drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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