toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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