..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
