That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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