dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
