So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
