i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
