i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
