The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
