i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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