I got chris browned last night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
