I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
