There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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