The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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