I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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