Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
