If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
