At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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