nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
