saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need moral support for this bender
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
