whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
