Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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