were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
