Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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