His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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