Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
