the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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