I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
