Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
