i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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