why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
