You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
