its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
