First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
