all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
