She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
