You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
