Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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