..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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