defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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