A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
