You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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