your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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