I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
