I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
