I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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