I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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