I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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