is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
