My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
