1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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