i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
