Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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