So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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