Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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