Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
