Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
