Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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