Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
