even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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