I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
