Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
