My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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