none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
