dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
