she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
