So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
