tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
