I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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