you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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