Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
