i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
