I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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