Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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