if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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