He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
