Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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